Behind Blue Eyes
by squirtleturtle96
Summary: Noelle moves in with the Cullens, what will happen next? This is the story of what has happened to her in the past, and what happens to her while staying with the Cullens
1. Chapter 1

Behind Blue Eyes

I was dreading the moment the plane would land. I didn't want to live with my aunt in France, so I decided to move in with a family in Forks, Washington. They were called the Cullens and had like 5 other foster kids. Carlisle Cullen would be waiting at the airport for me.

As I exited the plane, I felt an intense pain in my gut. You would figure I'm used to the scars' pain by now. I had been in a car crash that killed both of my parents and left me with massive scarring. As far as I know, nothing specific triggers the pain. It just randomly spasms from time to time.

A blonde haired man in his early thirties rushed over as I gasped and keeled over a bit.

"What's wrong?" He anxiously asked.

"Nothing," I said through gritted teeth, "Just the scars."

"What scars?" He asked. Clearly puzzled.

"From the car crash with my parents, I have scars that hurt like hell every once in a while." I informed him. I knew I could trust him because the nametag on his lab type coat said Dr. Cullen. He must be Carlisle.

We were walking towards the exit now that I had recovered from the spasm.

"Is that why you came here?" he said curiously. I was getting sick of all his questions, even if they were simple.

"I didn't want to live with my aunt in France, so I came here after my parents were killed in the crash. Why? You didn't know?" I was honestly astounded that the placement agency hadn't told him why I was coming.

"I was told that you didn't want to move to France, but not that your parents were dead or that you had excessive scarring." He said calmly. Ugh. He was so calm. Even when talking about my parents' death. Carlisle was starting to irritate me.

At his family's house, well… mansion really, I met the rest of the foster kids. They were all flawless, pale and had circles under their eyes. As Carlisle said the introductions, a girl who looked just like me walked in the front door. Except for the fact that she has brown eyes, she could have been my twin. The big guy piped up,

"Hey! Bella has a twin! AWESOME!" I guess Bella must be the girl who just walked in. Bella blushed and walked quickly to Edward. I was somehow stunned someone looked like me that much. Clearly she was too.

"Hi," I said shyly, "I'm Noelle." The pixie like girl rushed up and gave me a tight hug.

"Hi!" she squealed. I just stood there, a blush creeping over my cheeks. The other blonde guy, not Carlisle, Jasper came over and pulled Alice off of me, apologizing for her exuberance.

"It's okay" I told him even though her tight hug had made my scars hurt a bit. Jasper went and stood against the far wall like I was a freak and he wanted to be as far away as possible.

Maybe I could ask Bella what his problem was later. She seemed the most normal of this bunch. If I could catch her without Edward, they seemed to be glued at the hip.

Alice suddenly had a far away look in her eyes, like she was staring at the air or something. Edward gasped at her and Jasper quickly tugged her out of the room, but not before I heard her quiet gasp of horror.

"Is she gonna be okay?" I whispered to Bella.

"Yeah, she kinda phases out like that a lot." Bella replied, but I detected some worry in her voice.

Carlisle showed me to an empty bedroom that he said would be mine for however long I stayed with them. As I unpacked I heard worried voices from downstairs. I walked down the staircase wondering what the fuss was about. I could hear them discussing my scars and what they thought had happened to me.

I instantly felt hurt that they would talk about me behind my back and I hadn't even been there an hour. When the one named Emmett suggested I had gotten mauled by a bear I stormed in.

"I got in a car crash that killed my parents. Okay? You happy now?" I blurted out in a huff. They fell silent. I stood in the doorway with my arms crossed and demanded to know who had told them about my scars.

Some of the kids got nervous faces. I hmf-ed when nobody answered and ran back upstairs. I tripped on one of the last steps and fell with a sharp intake of breath, only to land flat on my stomach causing the intense pain to flare. I rolled onto my back and saw Carlisle kneeling down next to me asking what had happened.

"Nothing. I ran up the stairs and fell." I replied, still irritated by his kids' behavior.

Carlisle had a look of doubt on his face so I had to tell him I landed on my stomach and it triggered the pair in the stupid scars. He stood up and put out a hand to help me up but I just shook my head. Still gasping slightly from the pain I sat up and rested my head against the wall. My vision spun slightly before settling back in its proper place.

I heard feet padding up the stairs and Esme appeared next to Carlisle. She gasped in surprise.

"Oh dear! What happened?" she asked Carlisle, worry evident in her voice. A wave of calm swept through the room leaving me almost relaxed except for the dull throb in my stomach. I heard Carlisle quietly explaining to her while I stood up and walked towards the door to my room.

Rosalie quickly stepped in front of me saying,

"No you don't, Carlisle wants to look you over and make sure nothings seriously wrong. Your coming to his office." I huffed my annoyance but followed her. Somehow she seemed as if she would make me go even if I didn't want to.

In Carlisle's office I sat in a chair and hugged my knees to my chest. There were several bookcases, and one wall was covered in paintings that looked antique. Carlisle walked in, startling me out of my examination of the room. He had concern in his eyes when he asked my if I was sure I was okay. I knew I was fine. The random pain flashes had been happening for months and I was always fine.

"I'm fine Carlisle. Really, I am. I've been getting the stupid pain flashes for a few months. I'm always fine. They just hurt a lot." He still looked concerned.

"Have you ever been mistreated or abused or anything of that nature…?" he asked cautiously.

"Ugh, god no! Why the hell would you think that?" I asked back, appalled at him for thinking such I thing.

"Well, you seem to get the pain flashes with physical exertion, it's very unusual for scars to do that." He told me nervously and somehow still calmly.

"If you don't believe its scars look for yourself!" I said while placing my feet back on the floor and pulling the hem of my shirt up until my whole stomach was visible.

The shock on his face was startling when he saw the random criss cross of deep gashes and scratches against my pale skin.

"Well, I'm sorry for doubting you," he said, still shaken.

Later on, while I was in my room again, I thought maybe I should have gone to live with my aunt after all. I felt another weird wave of calm drowning my dread and insecurities. It was so weird how that happens. It never happened before I came here. I drifted into a restless sleep thankful the next day was a Saturday.

I was startled awake from Emmett's booming laughter soaking easily through the pillow over my head. I grumbled a bit and sat up thinking _why can't somebody get some sleep around here? _Emmett was standing in my doorway still chuckling.

"What's so funny?" I groggily asked him.

"You sleep talk!" He managed to burst out before another fit of laughter. I Quickly slammed the door in his face and found a T-shirt and jeans to pull on. When I was somewhat presentable I opened the door, ready to tell Emmett off but he was already gone. I muttered a few curses at him under my breath as I carefully walked down the stairs. I plopped onto a stool at the counter and had to gasp from the pain again. I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands into fists at my sides while it passed. When I could breathe again, Carlisle was in front of me.

"Are you sure it's nothing?" He asked, obviously still worried.

"Yupp," I said semi cheerfully, then somewhat sullenly I added, "It doesn't usually happen so much though…" Another wave of calm swept around me. I was getting sick of them. I mean sure they helped, but they were so irritating!

Carlisle still had a worried look on his face.

"What?" I asked him. He just shook his head and walked to the fridge pulling out milk.

"Would you like something for breakfast?" He asked all normal and calm again.

"Sure. What do you guys have?" I was curious. They were all so thin. It didn't seem like they ate much. Except for that one guy, Emmett. Carlisle told me if I could find anything I wanted I could have it.

I glanced at the clock on the wall. Shit I was late!

"Ah, crap." I muttered. "I'll be back later." I said louder. And ran out the door. I was jogging down their super long driveway when a shiny Volvo pulled up next to me.

"Wanna a ride?" Edward asked while rolling down the window.

"Nope, I'm going on a jog. Doctors orders to stay in shape. And no they aren't from Carlisle." I responded a bit breathlessly, my ponytail bobbing. Edward looked incredulous that it was a doctor's order to go for jogs before speeding off down the road.

I began to regret the fact I didn't have any water. When I finally reached the end of the driveway, I turned and started to jog back to the house.

I trudged up the steps, very out of breath. I was desperate for water! I grabbed a bottle out of the fridge and chugged it. After that, I turned on my heel and walked upstairs. I really needed a shower after that jog! Jasper was walking down the hall when I got there.

"Hey," He said.

"Hi." I said back still breathless.

"Where did you go?" He looked confused

"Jogging. Gotta keep in shape." I tried to stick to short blunt sentences until I got my breath back.

He looked amused. I wonder what was so funny about me jogging…

I was much happier after a shower. Alice was waiting to bombard me at my door.

"Come on!" she practically wailed, "We need to go shopping!"

"No!" I shrieked.

She looked hurt.

"What did I do?" I asked her.

"Nothing." She said in a huff and stalked off. Someone was grumpy at my lack of enthusiasm for shopping.

The front door opened and Bella rushed in soaked from the rain that had just started.

Jasper took one look at her and asked her how she got that soaked walking from the truck to the door. Bella's truck broke down in the driveway and she walked up to the house.

"Come on Bella… I think we are the same size, you can borrow something of mine." Bella looked grateful to have something dry to wear.

"Thanks," she said whole-heartily.

I decided I should ask her about the 'waves of calm' I had been feeling.

"Hey Bella… I know this is gonna sound really stupid but, since I got here if I'm like really irritated or mad, I feel like a big rush of calm. It's really creepy." She had a blank look on her face.

"Never mind, it's stupid. I bet it's just my imagination." I quickly said.

"I know your not going crazy if that's what you think. Sometimes weird stuff happens when people move." She told me she left my room and I heard her go downstairs and call Jasper for help on some report due Monday.

I couldn't understand why, but the Cullens intimidated me. They all seemed fearless, confident and perfect in every way. It creeped me out a bit.

I dug my I-pod out of one of my bags. I know I charged it before I left, why wouldn't it turn on! Shit. I trudged back downstairs and asked Esme if anyone was good with electronics.

"Jasper and Emmett are great with them!" she told me. Just great, the 2 that scared me the most.

"Umm… do you know where either of them are?" I timidly asked her.

"I do believe that Emmett is in the garage with Rosalie." She responded thoughtfully. I mumbled a thanks, and went into the garage

"Emmett?" I asked. He popped up from behind one of the cars.

"What's up squirt?" He asked me.

"Please don't call me squirt." I pleaded with him; "I just want my I-pod fixed. Do you know how to fix it?" I handed it to him.

"Why wouldn't I no how to fix it?" he asked offended. He got some mini screwdrivers out of a toolbox and started disassembling my I-pod.

I took a seat on the edge of a workbench. I gasped and fell off when the pain hit my gut. I curled into a ball gasping and whimpering while I vaguely heard Emmett asking what happened. My mind started to black out. The pain had never been this bad!

When I came to, I was in a hospital with a needle in my arm. I groaned. I hate hospitals. A few minutes later Dr. Cullen came in.

"Hello Noelle." He said pleasantly.

"Hi." I was in a bad mood. If there was anything I hated more than hospitals, it was doctors.

"You've only been here 2 days and you get landed in a hospital." He said chuckling a bit.

"Not funny. I hate hospitals." I told him grumpily.

"Well, it seems you got knocked out from the pain this time, right?"

He told/asked me. He just wanted me to admit the pain wasn't anything.

"We have to do some tests before you can go back. And don't try telling me the pain is still nothing. If it really did knock you out, it's definitely something. He probably expected me to argue.

"Fine. The stupid pain knocked me out. It's never happened before. It's never been that bad." A dull memory of the pain was is all that's left of it. Jasper walked in the room as Carlisle left.

"Hey squirt!" he said cheerfully.

"I told Emmett not to call me squirt, do I have to tell you also?" I was grumpier because of his good mood. I wanted to go for my daily jog but I was stuck here!

"Jeez, calm down. I was trying to get your mood less sour." He told me.

"Well, it didn't work!" I retorted. I felt a wave of calm and looked at him suspiciously.

"Why do you keep doing that?" I asked him.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He responded to quickly.

"Sure ya don't…" He stalked out of the room. I tried to relax and sleep.

I dreamt that Jasper was running through the dense forest, an animalistic expression on his face, blindingly fast he pounced on something as growls erupted from his throat. I jerked awake with a small scream and one of my monitors started beeping loudly. A nurse swept into the room, concern written all over her face.

"Are you okay hun?" she asked in a southern accent that reminded me of home.

"Yeah. Fine. I had a bad dream that's all." When the nurse left, Jasper came into the room. I flinched and hoped he didn't notice.

"What was that for?" He asked, talking about the flinch. I was terrified of him, and yet he comforted me. He also had a slight southern drawl.

"Nothing. I had a bad dream and you were in it." His expression calmed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly. He took a step closer and I flinched again.

"No…" I stuttered.

"I won't hurt you." He said, still talking softly.

"I know you won't hurt me, but I'm still scared." I looked down and I felt a cold hand pull my chin back up. Jasper was standing right in front of me. I cowered and he held my eyes with his. I'm sure my fright showed.

"Will you tell me?" He asked in his southern drawl.

"I dreamt that you were running through the woods. You were so fast, faster than any person. You pounced on something. You were growling and snarling when you pounced. Then I woke up. I was terrified. Somehow it felt like you were after me. But there is no reason for you to go after me, is there?" I was scared of what he would say so I looked down again. He pulled my chin up again. His eyes were vulnerable.

"I have no reason to go after you Noelle, " he said gently, "I wont hurt you at all. I promise." He seemed to be convincing himself more than me. But I was comforted by his words.

"Get back to sleep." He told me. I was asleep before he left the room.

When I woke up again, Carlisle was there.

"Ready for your tests?" he asked, all calm. I groaned

"What kind of tests?" I was reluctant to have tests done.

"Just a few blood samples and then we will be done." I thought the whole needle thing over.

"Fine."

He tied one of those rubber band things to my arm and stuck a needle into my elbow. I glanced away while he filled the little tubes with blood. When I felt a little gauze ball being taped to my arm I asked if I could leave yet.

"Yeah, I guess you can now. My shift is almost over if you want a ride." He allowed.

"I'd rather jog. I need excersise. Gotta keep in shape like the other doctor told me." I hopped up and found my scuffed sneakers on the floor. Carlisle seemed to be thinking over my running home. He seemed okay with it.

When I finally got to their long driveway, I heard something in the woods. Cautiously I entered the woods a bit. I looked around, then finally spotted something speeding towards me. I saw a glance of Jaspers' face. I screamed, and ran back to the road. Something cold grabbed me around the waist at the fringe of the trees. I was jerked back and the breath was knocked out of me. I looked up at Jaspers' wild expression. I was panicking internally. This was what my dream was! He promised he wouldn't hurt me after I told him!

"Jasper! Stop!" I yelled at him sobbing. Hearing his name seemed to jerk him into reality. He let go of me and I stumbled back. He reached for me and I flinched and ran back again.

"Oh god, what have I done!" he wailed. I ran for the road, still terrified. I made it to the mouse in just a minute, running hard and trying to get air into my lungs. I jerked the door open and ran for water. Rosalie looked up in surprise.

"You look like crap. What happened?" she said dully.

"Your brother attacked me. That's what happened." I told her spitefully. She gasped and ran out to find him. I ran upstairs and collapsed on my bed crying.

Alice ran in and plopped down onto my bed, hugging me close.

"It's going to be okay," she told me. "What happened, Noelle?" She asked softly.

"Jas… Jasper was… in the woods…and he… he attacked me!" I managed to get out through my sobs. Alice looked shocked.

"Oh my god!" she whispered, and the next time I looked up she was gone. I bet she went to go find Jasper.

After I had exhausted myself with my sobbing, I fell into a restless sleep, filled with nightmares and the Cullens. I woke up several times, trembling and afraid. The only dream I could remember was the reoccurring one of Jasper, blurred with speed, running towards me. I woke up a final time with a slight scream, hurriedly dressed and went down stairs.

Esme and Carlisle were talking quietly in the kitchen. As I walked past them, they fell silent and Esme reached out for my arm.

"_Don't touch me" _I told her and flinched away. "I don't know how… but your all like Jasper." I accused, still trembling I ran towards the door. I darted out side and speed walked down the driveway. Keeping my head down, I concentrated on where I was going. I walked faster; feeling watched and hunched my shoulders. I cowered when I saw Rosalie and Alice pulling Jasper back home. I stayed on the other side of the driveway, as far away as I could.

Even after I was past them, the unease didn't leave. I didn't know what it was like to be stalked, but I'm sure it felt like this. After a while of walking on the road I saw a sigh for the La Push Indian Reservation.

I decided I might as well go there. It seemed that the Cullens would not go there because their skin is so pale while the Natives skin would be dark. I saw a glimpse of russet in the woods, shrieked and walked even faster. A gigantic wolf came out of the woods a few feet in front of me.

I screamed and ran back towards the road but more wolves were already behind me. I panicked when I saw them circling me and gasped in pain when I felt a shocking pain in my scars. I fell to my knees gasping for air. They wolves stopped their approach and looked at each other. There was too much intelligence in their eyes. They almost seemed to be talking to each other. A couple of muscled, half-naked teens came running down the road. At the sight of them the wolves backed off a bit. I scrambled to my feet and hid behind the two teens. They both seemed to be at least 6 feet tall and unafraid of the beasts. The taller, older looking boy started to talk to them in a harsh, demanding voice, asking what they thought they were doing and to talk to him later. I stared at the boy in confusion. The shorter, younger boy turned to me.

"Hi, I'm Quill, and that's Sam." He told me. I just stared back at him with wide, terrified eyes, before turning and running towards the road again. I would've made it except the quick motion put a strain on my scars. I fell with a small cry of pain, and a large arm snagged me around the waist before I hit the ground. Quill pulled me back up onto my feet. And my eyes darted quickly between him, Sam, and the road. I collapsed onto the ground with another cry of pain when I shifted my weight onto my other foot.

Lying on my back on the ground was not a comfortable position, especially when you had two gorgeous guys looking down at you with worried expressions. I struggled to sit up and fell back down when I moved my leg. I groaned. I wanted to get up

"I can't get up." I said apologetically to Quill and Sam. They reached out their hands to help me up. I was still groaning with the pain in my ankle and stomach. Sam handed me to Quill and said something to low for me to hear. Quill told me that Sam was getting his car to take me to the hospital.

"Do I have to go?" I whined. He didn't know how much I hated hospitals. Quill gave me an apologetic smile and nodded.

Quill carried me into the hospital bridal style and I crossed my arms and frowned at him. Dr. Cullen came in while Quill was setting me on a chair.

"Noelle? What happened to you?" he asked glancing from me to Sam.

"The pack found her walking up and she smelled like you guys so they started to attack before me and Quill could get there. She tried to run away, and fell." Sam informed him. Carlisle picked me up and carried me to his exam room.

"What kind of mess have you gotten into this time?" he asked me. I just groaned in response and as he set me down on the bed thing I tried to breathe, with much difficulty. I couldn't take a deep breath.

"My ankle hurts." I whimpered. He stuck an I.V. into my arm and told me he was going to put painkillers into the I.V. and that's the last thing I heard before I blacked out.

When I came to, the first thing I noticed was my ankle was heavy and I had something wrapped all around my middle. I couldn't sit up so I used the control panel on the side of the lumpy bed to make the bed go up. I was pissed I couldn't get up and that I was still in the hospital. Dr. Cullen poked his head in the door and said, "I thought you were awake." I grunted at him. I didn't want to talk to him. If his son hadn't attacked me, I wouldn't have gone to La Push, and I wouldn't be here.

"Your ankles broken and some of the scars have opened up so we wrapped them up." He informed me and gave me a once over again.

"When can I leave?" I asked him for the second time that day. I was dreading his answer.

"Not for a couple days. We need to make sure that the scars knit together properly and your ankle too." Yupp. I had a good reason to dread his answer.

"Can you at least ask Emmett to drop off my I-pod if he finished fixing it?" I asked him, desperate for _something_ to help me survive two whole days in a hospital. He nodded and left to finish his rounds.

There was nothing to do so I went back to sleep. When I woke up, Jasper was hovering over my face. He clamped a cold hand down on my mouth before I could scream.

"I'm gonna bust you out." He said, "Be very quiet." I was terrified of him, but he still had a southern drawl so he couldn't be too bad. I weighed my options and he watched the conflict in my eyes. I nodded to him. He slung me gently over his back and told me to close my eyes. I complied and felt a rush of wind. When he said to open my eyes again, we were in the middle of the woods. He brought me to a meadow.

"I'm sorry. This is going to hurt a lot. But it's the only way." My confusion was growing with every passing moment. He lay me gently on the ground and pressed his teeth to my neck. A blurred shape rushed out of the woods and tackled him, his teeth sliced my neck and he tumbled off.

I felt the burning pain just a fraction of a second before I started screaming. It was literally as if a fire was in my veins. I felt more teeth press to my neck, and at first the pain only got worse, then started to fade slightly. I heard a slurping sound from the creature on my neck. I feebly tried to push it off of me. But his iron grip on my waist wouldn't budge. He dragged his face away with what seemed like large effort, and told me I would be okay. It sounded a bit like Edwards' voice. But I didn't have time to ponder it because I was quickly slipping into a blank state of mind. I felt somebody lift me up and then a faint rush of wind before I was in total darkness.

I was dimly aware of voices debating something over my body. I could feel something soft under me. Jasper's voice stood out above all the others.

"I couldn't help it!" He defended himself, "What would you have done in my place?" He sounded absolutely hopeless. As I tried to move I found that my neck was wrapped up. Huh. So that wasn't just a creepy dream. Edward informed Carlisle to my consciousness. And I heard Carlisle asking if I could hear him. I faintly mumbled a no and slipped easily into the blackness.

A sharp pain in my ribs woke me again. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Carlisle re-wrapping a bandage around my ribs and stomach.

"What's that for?" I drowsily asked him.

"So you can't move and hurt yourself." He promptly replied.

"But that's the fun part." I complained without really meaning it. He smiled and asked where I hurt at the moment. I quickly flexed and my muscles.

"Just my neck and stomach… why did he attack me again?"

"Who?" Carlisle asked.

"Jasper. And I think Edward might have also." I'm sure Edward did, but I think he also saved me from Jasper. Carlisle sigh.

"It's complicated." He sigh again "We should save this conversation for later."

Jasper walked in then and I screamed at him. He terrified me even more now, whether he had a comforting southern drawl or not.

"It's okay Noelle," he stated calmly, "I just want to talk." I was scared of him.

"I don't want to talk to you! Get out!" I said in a shaky, yet firm voice. I saw Emmett walk in out of the corner of my eye.

"I can make sure he doesn't attack you again." He offered. Jasper flinched at the word 'again'.

"Fine. What do you want Jasper." I wanted to end this conversation.

"I want to apologize for hurting you Noelle." He seemed sincere. I got mad at his words.

"You hurt me after I decided to trust you! You promised that you wouldn't hurt me!" I yelled, extremely mad at him. I started crying and turned over, ignoring the pain in my side so I wouldn't have to look at him or Emmett. I heard footsteps coming towards me and a cold hand placed on my shoulder. It took all I had to not flinch or cringe away from him. I was trying to control my breathing. But I knew he could sense my fear anyway.

"I'm so sorry Noelle. I didn't mean to hurt you." He whispered, then turned to leave. Emmett left behind him and I started crying harder, still trying to ignore the pain in my gut whenever I moved. Thank god I was on the bed in my room and not at a hospital.

When I exhausted myself from crying I fell into yet another restless sleep. This time I dreamt that Emmett was lunging at a bear and wrestling him at the edge of a cliff. I saw myself watching eyes wide in horror as they tumbled off the edge of the cliff. I woke up with a start.

Carlisle walked in just as I was trying to sit up.

"Hello, how are you feeling?" An honest question, easy enough to answer.

"Horrible" I grumbled back to him.

He raised an eyebrow, "Are you in pain?" Another really easy question to answer.

"Somewhat. I ache all over but it doesn't hurt much. When am I allowed to get up?" I complained that I was sick of not moving.

Carlisle chuckled. "Not for a while, if your feeling better later I might give you crutches." Darn. I can't get up yet. I groaned saying I wanted to get up. He just silenced me with a stern look.

Esme walked in a couple minutes later with some lunch asking if I was hungry. "Starving, thanks." I told her. I have a new appreciation for BLT's now.

I drifted to sleep again and finally dreamt of nothing at all. There was just a warm blackness of normal sleep. I woke feeling refreshed for the first time since the crash. I saw a pair of crutches leaning against the door, so I tried to get up onto my feet and grab them. I use the dresses and desk to support my self on my way over to them. Victory! I got them! I hobbled to the stairs and sat down so I could kinda scoot down them. At the bottom I stood back up and hobbled into the living room before collapsing onto the couch. Jasper was on the other side, but I was trying to ignore that fact.

"Do you know how hard it is to get down stairs with _crutches?"_ I asked him tiredly. I wasn't expecting him to answer.

"It doesn't seem to hard." He said.

I stared at him incredulously, "You go try it." I said shoving the crutches at him.

He got up and walked off with them. I heard two thumps and a footstep, two thumps and a footstep, two thumps and a footstep. I burst out laughing at the concentrated look on his face as her went up the stairs.

"What are you laughing at? You said try it so I did!" Jasper tried to defend himself.

"Nothing. You just looked so _concentrated_ it was really funny." I was still giggling at him when he walked back over. I fell silent and leaned away as he walked past me in front of the couch and leaned towards me to put the crutches down.

"Sorry." He mumbled when he saw my face. I was relieved when he went to sit on the other side on the couch. Edward chose that moment to walk in; I eyed him with distrust.

"I'm not going to hurt you Noelle. How much do you remember from the meadow?"

"Not much." I admitted. "I remember I was on the ground and Jasper was on me, then something -you I think- knocked him off of me. That's all I remember."

Edward looked at me with a doubtful expression.

"What? That's all I remember! I'm not known for having a good memory!" I exclaimed. His doubtful look became understanding. I was sick of being with the people that had attacked me. I grabbed the crutches and hobbled away from them. I almost ran into Carlisle because I was only looking at the floor that I was trying to move over and not at where I was going.

"I see that somebody was anxious to get up and moving." He said. _No shit Sherlock _ "Duh, you think I want to be sitting for days on end?" He gave me an exasperated look and walked away. I carried myself to the kitchen and grabbed a box of cheese-its out of the pantry. I hobbled back into the living room, hoping that Jasper and Edward had left. I had no such luck. I plopped back onto the couch and winced when I landed. I should know better than to move that much.

"You okay?" Edward asked with a frown.

"Yupp. Fine. Couldn't be better." I told him acidly. His frown deepened "Your going to get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that." His face abruptly turned expressionless and he walked away. I saw in his eyes that he was mad.

"Do you always try to do that to people?" Jasper asked. I glanced at him and fought back a shiver of fear at his intense expression.

"I always end up doing that when I'm pissed off. But I don't think it's the same thing." I whispered, feeling bad for making Edward mad.

"Same thing as what?" he asked. He was so dumb.

"I don't try to upset people, but when I get pissed off I usually end up upsetting people. But I don't try to." I said slowly, articulating everything. Jasper nodded and turned his attention back to the T.v.

After a few minutes he blurted out, "You know, if you didn't act like such a bitch you wouldn't upset people."

"_Excuse me?_ If anyone is allowed to act like a bitch it's me. _My parents_ died a couple months ago. I get physical flashes of pain that remind me of them and the crash _every day_ and I'm stuck here with _you_! Do you think I wanted to come here? I wanted to stay _home_ but the frickin agency wouldn't let me! They said come here or go live in _France_ with my aunt!"

I was angry at first but by the time I started to say the stuff about being stuck with him, and not wanting to come I was flooded with guilt, depression, grief, fear, and remorse. I grabbed my crutches and tried to dart to my room before I started crying.

When I made it up the stairs I found Emmett sitting in front of my door.

"Took ya long enough to get up squirt!" He boomed.

"Move" I roughly told him.

Shock crossed his face, "Hey, what's wrong Noelle? I was just bringing your I-pod back to you.

"I don't want to talk about it. Go ask Jasper if you really want to know. Ask Edward while you're at it." He moved out of the way and I lunged into the safety of my room. I feel onto my bed with a burst of pain and curled up crying. I was tortured by memories of the crash behind my closed lids. I kept seeing the semi swerve when one of their tires burst and slam into our car. I felt the anguish of my parents' screams all over again. I felt the metal of our car plunge into my stomach, the seat belt lock up around me. I saw the flashing lights of the ambulance, my parents being pulled from the wreck and being pronounced dead on scene. I felt myself being picked up and being loaded onto a stretcher. The memories kept repeating and I kept crying my pain. I felt cold hands stroking my face, curling my fingers out of tight fists, and trying to comfort me. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the memories to go away. I saw the driver of the semi being loaded into an ambulance. I was more than angry at him! I saw red whenever I thought of him. He killed my family. Left me scarred for life, mentally and physically.

I'm pretty sure Carlisle injected me with something because all my senses were slowly cut off. I still saw the memories swirling through my head but they were just pictures. Pictures that made me scream and cry. They were fading, but still there. I cried out once more when I saw my parents being pulled out again, then I fell silent as the pictures faded into nothing.

I knew I should be remembering something, but I came up empty. I was slowly awakening from a long dark slumber. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen my parents with smiles on their faces.

As I felt a tear run down my cheeks I knew I was awake. It was pitch black in the room I was in. I had no clue where I was. I heard somebody clear their throat, and I looked around panicked. I couldn't see anybody. I searched the room with my eyes and heard somebody say something really quickly. Too quick for human ears to catch, I could hear my heart hammering. Suddenly I felt extremely tired and fell into a deep, restless sleep.

When my eyes fluttered open it was light out, and I was still in my bedroom curled into a ball. Or as much of a ball I could with a cast and bandages. I could feel that my face was slightly swollen from crying. There was a tray with eggs, toast and juice on the bedside table. I disentangled myself from my ball and stretched a bit. I picked up the juice and took a sip to sooth my throat. I must have screamed a lot if my throat hurt so much.

I pushed my legs over the side on my bed and gasped when my muscles wouldn't stretch that far. I stretched some more. Almost any kind of movement hurt. I mumbled a few curses under my breath as I slowly stood up. I ate a few bites of the eggs and staggered into the shower. After brushing out my hair I grabbed my crutches and carefully maneuvered the stairs. I went into the living room and sat down in my usual spot on the couch. I winced as I remembered what had happened the night before. It must be Monday or Tuesday by now, I thought.

Carlisle walked in asking if I was any better.

"I'm okay… not good, but not horrible either." I weakly told him

He glanced at my face; "Did you take the pill that was on the tray?"

"Nope. General rule about pills, if I don't know what it is and what it does, I don't take it." He seemed to accept that answer.

"It's an anti-depressant, it should help repress the more hurtful memories." I thought about how nice it would be to have the memories gone, but decided against taking the pill. Even though the memories were bad, it was the last memory I had of my parents.

"You know what the weird part is?" I asked Carlisle, "I can remember every single detail about the crash and being carted up but nothing from the minutes before or after. I'm almost positive my mom must have been smiling. She was always smiling. But I can't remember. When I think of her and my dad, all that comes to mind is the memories of the crash and the asshole that was driving the semi."

Carlisle looked at me as if he understood everything I said; his look held sympathy, compassion, and something else I couldn't identify.

"A lot of times, peoples minds will block out the bad so that their brains can heal themselves, just as often, a persons mind will do the opposite. It leads to more suffering in the long run, but either way the person always heals. Trust me. You will recover." I smiled at him before sinking into the couch farther to think things over.

I ended up in a loose ball again with my head against my knees, thinking about the crash. I dimly saw blurred memories of my parents pained faces, of my own stomach with shards of metal sticking out, and the semi driver. They were dark blurry memories, but I knew that the crystal clear versions were a bit buried. I didn't want to resurface them. Not after what happened last night.

Somebody lifting my chin from my knees, and forcing me to look up jerked me out of my thoughts. I saw Jasper standing above me.

"What?" I asked him, not really caring what he wanted, and too tired to be afraid. He just looked at me and said, "You looked like you were having depressing thoughts, I thought you might not want to be depressed." I looked up at him, surprised.

"Your right." I told him, "I don't want to have depressing thoughts. I want that semi driver to die. But I can't do that. I want him to feel what I feel, what my parents felt." I finished speaking in a bitter tone. I was desperate to remember happy moments with my parents. I wanted the semi drivers' face out of my thoughts.

"Where's Alice?" I asked him. If I wanted to be un-depressed, the hyper pixie could do it. He looked surprised.

"She's in her room upstairs. Would you like me to get her?" he asked curiously.

"Yeah. She begged me to go shopping earlier and maybe that could get my mind off of stuff." I told him. Grateful I wouldn't have to go up the stairs again.

As Jasper walked up the stairs, I leaned my head back against the couch. I heard Alice's light footsteps patter down the stairs and then she was standing in front of me tapping her foot telling me to hurry up.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I grumbled at her, grabbing my crutches. I stood up carefully and asked where we were going to go. Of course she had a whole day trip planned.

When we got back I was exhausted. Not to mention my stomach hurt. I carried my self inside on my crutches with bags hanging on the armpit pad part of the crutches. I put everything down at the bottom of the stairs and hobbled to the couch again. All I could remember eating that day was a couple bits of eggs.

I must have fallen asleep on the couch because somebody scooping me up and carrying me up the stairs to my room woke me. I was asleep again before my head hit the pillow. When I woke in the morning, the first thing I noticed was the wall color was different. I sat up quickly and looked around. This wasn't my nice clean white room. This room was hung with dark yellow carpeting on the walls. I was sitting on a large bed against the wall. Edward sat up next to me.

I gave him a panicked glance and tried to think if I had done anything I shouldn't have that night. Finding my voice I asked him if he knew I wasn't Bella.

"Yes. I'm aware of the fact you aren't Bella. I dropped her off at her house last night before I found you on the couch." I thought that over.

"Okay… then why am I here?" He looked at me like the answer was obvious.

"You called for me in you sleep. So I brought you up here." Oh crap!

"If I said Edward in my sleep and called for him that means I was talking about the kid that was my best friend when I was five." I let him think that over then added,

"Did I also say something about you needing to be careful, and don't die?" Edward nodded. I thought so.

"A week before we left for vacation one year, we were exploring in the woods behind his house and found a creepy tunnel in some rocks. He wanted to go in so I followed him, I had told him to be careful, he was on a thin ledge, when he fell I ran and got help and I kept telling him not to die on me. He barely made it out with the medic people before his heart stopped. They couldn't get it started again. I've always blamed myself for that." I finished in a whisper, choked up with tears. I miss him so much. We were only 10 when that happened. I still think about him a lot too. It just made the pain of loss for my parents that much worse.

"I'm sorry Noelle. I had no idea." He said regretfully.

"Of course you didn't have any idea. We moved after that. I haven't told anybody about him since we moved after vacation that year." Edwards eyes were filled with sorrow for all that I've gone through.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've had enough of everything. Enough pain, enough loss. I just need a break from it all. Something to distract me." I said and started to get up. Edward leaned over and kissed me on the lips. Before I knew what I was doing I slapped him in the face and jumped off of his bed. I tried to get to my room quickly and slammed the room behind me. I sank down behind the door sobbing.

Why did all guys have to be jerks? He knew I was in pain. Remembering all the deaths that have been in my life. And he kissed me! Plus he was going out with Bella, so he's a double jerk! I picked my self up off the floor and went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my hair. When I looked okay I went downstairs.

I grabbed some cereal and a bowl in the kitchen and sat down at the counter. Edward walked in and looked like he wanted to talk to me.

"If you touch me again I will hurt you." I threatened in a low voice. He smirked at me and walked out. I grabbed my crutches and swung to the couch. I curled into a ball again, wondering what day it was.

Emmett sat down next to me on the couch after connecting all of the wires for a video game.

"Wanna play?" he asked. No thanks I thought.

"Nope. I'll lose. I suck at video games" I responded, still lost in thought.

"You could play a one person game on the Wii." He was begging now.

"No thanks Emmett. I don't really want to play." I told him patiently.

"Aww, come on!" he wined back. When would he just leave me alone?

"No. I. Don't. Want. To. Play." I said pointedly. He glared at me and grumbled something under his breath. He hooked up one controller and put in the disc for guitar hero; he stuck the Wii controller into the guitar.

The game hadn't even started yet and I was getting a headache from the stum bar on the guitar. I got up, and swung myself into the kitchen to finish my cereal that Edward had interrupted.

As I dumped some milk into the bowl I started thinking about Edward again. Not Edward Cullen, the Edward from when I was little. If I had said I didn't want to go into the tunnels, he would've listened. He always did. It's all my fault he died. I was overcome with fresh grief. My eyes watered and I blinked rapidly to at least postpone the tears.

Jasper walked in when my grief reached it's climax.

"What are you thinking about that's got you so down?" he asked. I glanced at him and a pain that matched my own clouded his eyes.

"Edward." I responded in a choked whisper. Jasper looked startled.

"What did Edward do?" he inquired.

"Not your brother Edward, Edward whose death is all my fault, Edward from when I was 10, Edward who died right in front of me." I told him, still whispering. I didn't doubt the fact that he heard me though. I felt a wave of calm spread through the room.

"Why do you keep doing that?" I asked him sharply, "sometimes people don't want to be calm." Jasper looked apologetic. And said it wasn't him.

"Cut the crap. I know that somehow you're the one doing it." I was irritated by his denial. He gave me no further answer so I put my bowl in the sink and swung back upstairs.

When I pushed my door open I found Esme gathering dirty clothes off the floor. I looked down embarrassed.

"I can do my own laundry." I informed her. "I have been for several years." Esme chuckled, "No you can't." she said. "If Alice had her way you would never wear the same thing twice."

I grumbled at bit and found my sketchpad in the drawer of my desk. I flipped through the drawings I already finished and stopped at a blank page. I started sketching the wolves that had blocked off my exit. Placing the russet wolf in the background, I made the rest of the wolves snarling and cutting off my escape. I drew in myself with a terrified expression. Then added a rough sketch of Sam and Quill running down the road. I flipped to another blank page and sketched Edward when the medics had pulled him out of the tunnels on a stretcher. His pained expression, his arm-twisted to an odd angle blood dribbling from cuts on his face. I ripped out the page and tore it up with a cry of anguish. I started another sketch of the russet wolf that had been in the lead of the attack. I drew him sitting calmly on the top of a cliff, looking out over the scenery with possessive eyes. I drew the rest of his pack in the background. They were still snarling, but they were after a bear not me. I put the bear on its hind legs, an acknowledgement of defeat paired with determination in her eyes, swiping her massive clawed paw at a smaller gray wolf.

I sigh and put my sketchpad back in the drawer. I could sketch more later. I needed to get the wolves out of my mind for a while. I went in search of my I-pod but didn't need to look far. It was on the floor outside my door. Emmett must have left it there.

I flipped the power switch to on and let myself get lost in the music. As I listened to pain by three days grace, I felt a realization. I _was_ sick of feeling numb. And life _is_ filled with hurt when happiness doesn't work.

Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb

You're not the only one

I'll take you by the hand

And I'll show you a world that you can understand

This life is filled with hurt

When happiness doesn't work

Trust me and take my hand

When the lights go out you will understand

Just as the song was about to end, Jasper shook me. I got pulled out of my carefree listening and back into reality.

"What do you want?" I asked, it's easier to get strait to the point with him.

"You were getting all depressed again. It must have been whatever song you were listening to." Hmm my moods did tend to match songs I listened to.

"It's better to feel something than be numb. I really don't care if it's pain. I'm not capable of being happy right now. Pain is better that feeling numb." He looked at me sharply.

"You have no clue what you're talking about." He whispered harshly, the look in his eyes made him seem as though he were hundreds of years old, and not in his teens.

"I'm only human," I pointed out the obvious. "For us, or at least me, that's how it is."

"You remember more of that night than what you told Edward you did, don't you?" Wasn't he observant.

"I remember everything. About all the times." I whispered, matching his previous harshness.

"And yet you aren't scared right now. At all." I know what we should rename him… Captain Obvious!

"No, I'm not scared. I'm mad, I'm upset, I'm angry, I'm vengeful, I'm anything but scared. I bet it's making you dizzy, the number of emotions I'm feeling."

"You missed one. Isolated. You feel alone, cut off from everybody else. You do that to yourself." He told me gently. I grabbed my sketchpad out of my drawer. Drawing always helped me calm down a bit. I flipped past the previous pages, not caring if Jasper saw them.

One a fresh page, I started making random lines with my eyes closed. A lot of good pieces started like this, just a few weird lines. I opened my eyes. The lines looked a bit like a Pineapple. I darkened a few, erased a couple more, and sketched some more in. I added texture and a bit of color. It didn't look right. I ripped out the page and crumpled it. I threw down my pad and closed my eyes. It was open to the drawing of the wolves circling me.

Jasper glanced at it, reading the emotions on the sketched version of my face.

"Is that really what happened?" He wanted to know.

"Yes." I said in a tight voice. "Almost all of my sketches really happened. Look through them if you want." I didn't really care if he look or not. I heard him thumbing through the pages. When he stopped at a picture of Edward I had done a few years after he died, I was overwhelmed with guilt, and loss. Jasper quickly flipped a page. It showed what my dream puppy would look like. I even inscribed the collar with the words dream puppy so it looked as though the words were sewn in. I felt my lips turn up into a small, sad smile.

Next Jasper stopped at the semi drivers' face. Rage filled me, and he turned the page quickly. There I had drawn a herd of ponies on a beach from vacation in California one year. I smiled at the ponies, then grimaced. I had fallen off a pony and broke my arm.

The last picture Jasper looked at was the first picture I had ever done. I had tried to copy a picture I had found from when I was a toddler. I had taped the picture in the corner of the page. My mom was smiling and holding me. I got a pained nauseous feeling in my stomach. I would never see her smile again.

"Your amazing." Jasper murmured and turned some more pages. He found the ones of my memories of the crash. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried very hard not to think about the crash. He chuckled and I opened my eyes again.

The picture looking up at us was of my old cat with a birthday hat on. The cat was quite pissed off when I put the hat on her. I let out a small laugh when I remembered what a fuss she had put up. There were several pictures of the cat taped to the page. One showed her sleeping in the sun, in another she was climbing up my moms leg with her front paws all stretched out.

A pale hand with manicured nails snatched the sketchbook from Jasper and me. I looked up alarmed. Rosalie was holding it disdainfully.

"Give it back Rosalie!" I said in a menacing whisper. She had no idea how many memories I had stored in my sketchbook. I kept track of everything worth anything to me in that pad.

"Rose, just give it back to her." Jasper said in a tired voice. I knew she wouldn't give it back.

"EMMETT! MAKE ROSALIE GIVE ME MY SKETCHPAD BACK!" I shrieked through the whole house. Emmett appeared next to Rosalie, and pried her fingers off of my sketchpad. Emmett was whispering something into her ear, she finally let go of my sketchpad, and Emmett put an arm around her and tossed me the pad of paper. I snatched it out of the air on slammed it into a drawer. I was mumbling that I would kill her if she ever did that again when Jasper interrupted my rant.

"You shouldn't mess with Rosalie. She doesn't go down easily; and when she does go down, she takes somebody with her." I gave him a glance that said I didn't really care. I grabbed some fingerless gloves out of my closet one told Jasper I was going to go punch something. He nodded and left.

Somewhere outside I let my crutches fall to the ground and slid my gloves onto my hands. I took half a step closer to the tree and punched it. It didn't hurt. I had specially made gloves. They were supposed to reduce all impacts. I started with my hand by my side; like when your jogging and you swing your arms, your fingers face you ribs. Then I lashed my arm out, twisting so that my knuckles faced strait up by the time they hit the tree. I felt better every time I heard a resounding thud from the tree.

When I got tired I grabbed my crutches and swung back to the house. I grabbed a water from the fridge and worked my way upstairs. I picked my sketchpad out of the cluttered draw I put it in.

I drew myself in a boxing stance, wearing a tank top and my fingerless gloves. My face looked concentrated, competitive, determined, and victorious. Alice walked in while I was sketching. I glanced up but paid no mind to her.

"Jasper said you were really good at drawing, can I see?" she was nearly bouncing by the time she said she wanted to see. She reminded me of a little kid.

I sigh. "Sure." I tossed the pad at her and leaned back into my bed. She flipped through the pages. She stopped at the one of Edwards' dead body her eyes widened and I cringed.

"Who is that?" she asked horrified.

"Edward. He was my best friend, we were exploring in the woods and we went in some old tunnels. He fell off a ledge." Alice quickly flipped the page. She glanced at the dream puppy, the ponies on the beach and got to the ones of the crash. She sucked in a quick breath at the first picture. I closed my eyes and turned away while she looked through them. "How can you remember this much?" Alice inquired the earlier horror still in her voice.

"I have a good memory for anything that hurts me. But I can rarely remember the pleasant things. So I try to draw them before I forget. There aren't many of the good memories in that sketchpad. A lot of them are in the pad that got thrown out. Some kids at school didn't like me drawing anything." She looked like she was trying to find a reason that people wouldn't like me drawing. I rolled back onto my side and fell asleep as she looked through more sketches.

When I woke up, there was sunlight shining through the window. I looked through the large window and the trees became a light green as the sun soaked into their leaves. I got up excited, I couldn't wait to get in the sun!

After a shower I made my way downstairs. Man I was really getting sick of this stupid cast! In the kitchen I grabbed some cereal and a bowl, too tired to make eggs and toast. AppleJacks were not my favorite. As I washed out my bowl, I heard the piano playing. I set the bowl down and swung myself into the living room. Edward was playing a complex piece, his fingers caressing the keys. I stood in the doorway, listening.

"I know your out there, you might as well come in." He called. I blushed and swung into the room and over to the piano. As the song ended, he looked up at me with a weird expression.

"Are your drawings really as good as Alice and Jasper said?" he asked curiously. I almost groaned. Why did everyone have to be obsessed with my drawings?

"I'll be right back." I said and turned to go upstairs to get my sketchpad. I looked in the drawer I had become used to tossing it into. It wasn't there! I searched all of the drawers, and couldn't find my sketchpad anywhere. I sent a panicked look around the room. I lifted up the comforter on my bed and shook it out, nothing. I tossed it back onto the bed. I ripped the pillows off of the sheets, where could it be? There was a scrap of paper sticking out from under the mattress. It read…_**If you ever want to see your sketchpad again you won't tell anybody it's missing, find the meadow in the woods behind the house before midnight**_

_**~Rosalie**_

I gasped and stumbled towards the door. I tried to run down the stairs and tripped Edward caught me before I hit the ground and the scrap of paper fell from my hand. Edward picked it up when he set me on my feet. I tried to snatch it from his hands before he could read it.

"I could help you find the meadow and we won't tell Rosalie." He offered. He watched the debate in my eyes.

"Only if your sure Rosalie won't find out, and wont burn it or anything." He nodded and I grabbed a water bottle and my sweatshirt.

"Come on, I want my sketchbook!" I tried to hurry him.

"Jasper told me you remember everything." I mumbled traitor under my breath.

"If we run we will get there faster." I eyed him skeptically.

"Fine." I said. He slung me over his back and told me to close my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt a rush of wind

"We're there." Edward told me quietly. I snapped my eyes open and climbed of his back. He had stopped at the edge of a large meadow filled with wildflowers. The sun had set a few minutes ago.

Rosalie sat in the middle of the meadow, flipping through the sketchpad. My eyes flickered between Edward, Rosalie, and my sketchpad.

Edward made a motion with his hand telling me to go. As I entered the meadow, Rosalie glanced up.

"You found me." She said in a bored tone. I didn't bother answering her. I kept walking towards her. Trying not to let the cast hinder me. What kinds of people play practical jokes on the injured? Something told me she wasn't joking though.

Rosalie stood up when I was a few feet away. She started to hand me the sketchpad. When I reached out for it, she snatched her hand away with inhuman speed.

"You didn't think I would give up that easily, did you?" she mocked. Edward silently crept up behind her. He jumped on her back just as she was turning around. They crashed to the ground, and the book went flying. I made a grab for it before they could get up. Edward yelled for me to leave back the way I came. I turned and fled. They all had inhuman speed and strength; there was nothing I could do to help. I tripped at the fringe of the trees; my head stuck a rock and I felt a drop of blood dribble down my forehead. I groaned and tried to get up. Everything spun and I fell back to the ground. I lay there looking up at the spinning sky for a few minutes. I was so dizzy! When they sky stopped spinning it was even darker. I was chilled to the bone, and didn't see my sweatshirt anywhere. I tried to sit up, and my cold limbs wouldn't support my weight.

"Edward?" I weakly cried for help. I fell into the grasp of the cold night as a band of cold wrapped around me and an unnatural breeze was felt.

I felt something hot on my forehead. My eyelids fluttered in a vain attempt to open. I shivered violently and clenched my hands tighter. Where had my book gone! My eyes pulled themselves open in my panic. There was just darkness around me. I brought a cold, shaking hand up to my forehead to find a small heating pad.

My fingers grasped it as I coughed. My fists re-clenched around it. Somebody leaned over me, blocking out the miniscule amount of light my eyes had found. I shivered again and they put a heavy feeling blanket over me. I drifted uneasily back into the dark clutches of sleep.

When I next awoke, there was some light making its way through the windows. The heating pad was still in my hands. I stretched my self out of my curled up position. My muscles slowly warmed up and let me move a bit more freely. Somebody walked up behind me, leaning over me, just like last night.

"How are you feeling?" The stranger asked. I had a feeling that his voice should be familiar. It sounded like… like… Carlisle's voice, but different.

"Who are you?" I croaked, trying to turn my head towards him.

"A very old friend of Carlisle's." The voice said, somewhat amused. I coughed.

"What happened? I remember hitting my head on a rock." More memories came flooding back, "Where's Edward?" I sounded panicked.

"Edward is safe. So are the rest of the Cullens." The voice sneered, a dangerous edge to his voice. I wasn't reassured.

I heard a commotion in the hallway. Jasper burst into the room, his face livid.

"You can't keep her here!" He shouted at the still unknown stranger above me.

"Oh? And why not?" He asked Jasper.

"I don't want to stay." I said weakly. Jasper glanced at my cold, shivering form. I winced when a shiver hurt my scars. With how crappy I was feeling, I wouldn't be surprised if my bright, icy blue eyes were dull and pale.

The stranger walked to the window, turning his back on Jasper. Jasper grabbed me with his inhuman speed and strength, then dashed out the door. I shivered in his arms, and fought back an onslaught of memories. I felt Jasper trying to calm me emotionally, but I was numb. I couldn't feel it. Yes, just like the song I was listening to the other day, I was sick of feeling numb. It had barely started, and I was sick of it. The last thing I heard before slipping into darkness was jasper - saying everything would be ok.

The first thing I felt when I started to come to, was warmth. My eyes slowly opened. I blinked a few times, waiting for everything to come into focus. I was on the couch in the living room of the Cullens' house.

I stretched my muscled before trying to move my stiff limbs. My toes bumped into something cold and hard; I looked up and twisted in my seat. My breath caught. Jasper was sitting completely still, no motion in his chest. I sat up quickly and leaned over him. He wasn't breathing.

"Jasper?" I whispered, as I shook him. When he opened his eyes he scared me.

"Oh thank god your not dead, you weren't breathing." I told him quietly. I rearranged myself on the couch so that I was curled up next to his cold body. He was always cold, I didn't think he would get warm. He put an arm around me and hugged me close. When I started to shiver slightly, he pulled the quilt around my shoulders, sticking it between my body and his.

I started thinking about what had happened in the meadow. Who had picked me up as I blacked out? What were the Cullens? Who was the stranger that Jasper took me from?

My stomach rumbling jerked me from my thoughts. I groaned and stood up. Why was it so easy to walk now? I looked down; there was no cast on my leg. I decided not to ponder it until I ate.

In the kitchen Esme was making eggs. I put some onto a plate and said a quick word of thanks before wolfing them down. She glanced at me when I walked to the sink to wash my plate.

"I can do that," she said, "Go rest." I smiled at her gratefully before walking back to the living room. I paused in the doorway, wondering where my sketchpad had gone.

"What are you worried about?" Jasper asked me mildly.

"I was wondering where my sketch pad went," I informed him. "Rosalie took it into the meadow, so me and Edward went to get it and I hit my head on a rock, then I woke up in the place you took me from."

Jasper looked as though he was pondering the question, but I had a feeling he knew where it was.

"I believe it's probably still in the meadow." He said thoughtfully. I groaned. Why did it have to be in the meadow? I ran up to my room, I have an extra sketchpad hidden under my mattress.

I pulled it out and flipped to the first page. I rummaged around in my drawers for a pencil. I drew some light lines, forming the trees around the meadow; the goddess-like Rosalie sitting in the middle, her eyes closed.

I drew me, my head against a rock; trickle of blood dribbling down my forehead. I sketched out anything I could remember from the strange room with the strange man.

Feeling no urge to stop drawing, I added Jasper and myself on the couch with the blanket between us.

"My nose doesn't look like that." Jaspers' quiet voice rang out behind me. I whirled around, not having heard him walk up.

I chuckled, "You scared me Jazz." He didn't look impressed. He slipped the sketchpad out of my hands and took my pencil. Flipping to the next page, he started a silhouette of a person under the moon, vaguely you could tell it was either Bella or me.

Next, he added a tall dark horse with a flowing mane and tail standing next to the person. There was no doubt of the person being me now. I used to love riding horses. After the accident it was difficult to do anything with out doubling over in pain, much less ride a horse.

I looked away from the drawing feeling homesick. I was angry, sad, and helpless; the only thing I really loved, other than my sketches, had been riding. Jasper still denied being able to feel or change my emotions, but I could feel him trying to calm me. I resisted him, my anger mounting. Sometimes people _wanted_ to feel negative emotions. It reminds us that life isn't perfect, no matter how good we seem to be, there's still pain just beneath the surface.

Standing up, I walked out of my room before breaking into a run in the hallway. Grabbing a water from the fridge I sprinted out the door. I wanted to be alone.

When I tired, I noticed I was by the meadow. Crossing into the open space, I saw a large skeleton of a wooden structure being made. Haybales were stacked in a pile out of the way.

No. They couldn't be getting a horse. I can't ride anymore. My eyes filled as I turned away, sprinting in the opposite direction. I didn't care where I was going as long as I got away. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I remembered how much I loved being with horses.

The tears came faster when I remembered that my mom always used to ride with me, her on a coal black horse and me on a spotted beauty. I stopped running because I couldn't see anything in front of me anymore.

Sinking to the ground I sobbed. Why had the truck driver have to hit us? Why did it have to be our car, why did I have to survive! Nobody cared about me anymore and there was nobody left for me to care about.

There was a rustle in the brush behind me; I turned in time to see the large russet wolf that had tried to attack me once come through the bushes. I gasped. Absolutely terrified I sprung off the ground and darted out of the animals' sight. Spotting a pine tree with some low branches I hurried over to it. Rapidly climbing, I heard a soft growl behind me.

I couldn't look. When I was at least thirty or forty feet up I stopped. Sitting on a branch, holding onto the one above me, I glanced down. The ground spun and my hands clenched tighter around the branch.

In the distance I heard voices calling my name. "I'm here! Help me!" I yelled back.

"Noelle?" a closer voice called. I didn't recognize it. "Help!" I hoped they would hear me. My voice was weak after crying so much, and my water bottle was lost somewhere.

"Noelle!" Wait… was that Carlisle's voice?

"Carlisle?" I feebly cried out. I looked down again to see Carlisle approaching the tree. "Carlisle, help me." I pleaded. He said something into his walkie-talkie and another voice crackled over the speaker.

"Just hang in there Noelle, Emmett's going to bring some climbing ropes." That wouldn't be soon enough.

"I can't, my arms hurt." I called down to him. "Okay, I'm coming up, just hold on a second and I'll be there." I was getting dizzy again; I couldn't look down any longer.

The next thing I was aware of was Carlisle easing my vise grip off of the tree branch and holding me steady with his arm. He gently slid me off of the branch I was sitting on to stand on a lower branch. My legs wouldn't straiten that's how bad the muscles were cramped. Subtly stretching my legs I stood a bit straighter.

"What happened to the wolf?" I asked him. Carlisle told me it ran off because of all the voices in the woods.

My body automatically reacted to Carlisle helping me down, but my mind was in a dark fog. I heard Emmett arrive; he picked me up and cradled me in his giant arms. Exhaustion flooded my mind and I was asleep before Emmett had even taken a single step.

When my eyes opened, somebody was hovering over me. Before I could tell who it was, my eyes were closed again and my mind lost in the darkness of sleep.

Blurry pictures moved in front of my eyelids, wolves, crashing cars, tall tree's, my foster family, golden eyes, horses, my parents. Even though I was still asleep I felt a tear trickle down my face. A cold finger brushed against my face, wiping up the salty drop.

My eyes fluttered open, revealing Rosalie above me. What would she want with me? She _stole_ my sketchpad. I was fine until she came along.

"You feeling any better?" She asked. "You've been asleep for a whole day" I just blinked at her. I glanced away from her face when the door opened and Emmett walked in followed by Carlisle.

Carlisle started talking about medical mumbo jumbo so Emmett put an arm around Rosalie and left with her.

I tried to ask him to say it in plain English, but my voice was just a croak. I coughed and drank the water he gave me.

When I felt as though I could speak again I asked him, "Wanna repeat that in English? Not everybody understands Latin terms."

"There's nothing physically wrong with you, you were just over exhausted from too much running and a lot of stress." He told me. Oh. Well I could've guessed that. I tried to sit up and gasped when I moved my legs. I fell back with a small cry of pain. My muscles hurt so much! I groaned and worked on straitening my legs to stretch them. Pointing my toes, I winced at the ache in my legs.

Trying to sit up again I succeeded, and promptly stuffed some pillows between the wall and myself. When I glanced around, Carlisle was already gone. A tray of eggs was propped on the bedside table.

Who had redecorated my room? I had liked it plain and ordinary. I liked it organized. The walls had become bright greens, pinks, and oranges while the furniture had been painted, covering the natural wood textures.

Wincing when I pulled my legs over the side of the bed to the floor, I gripped the plate of eggs with sore fingers. They were still hot and burned my tongue as I hungrily stuffed them in my mouth.

Leaning down, after putting my plate away, I stretched my sore achy muscles. The sound of my back cracking several times uncomfortably broke the silence.

Shuffling and staggering downstairs, I saw Bella and Edward at the piano bench, he appeared to be trying to teach her to play. Emmett disappeared through the door to the garage, and Alice and Jasper were talking quietly on the couch. I followed Emmett into the garage, but he was already gone from there. The big door to the outside was closed so I didn't know where he could've gone.

Sitting down near the door towards the inside of the house, I stopped to rest. Jasper's voice drifted through the closed door.

"Alice, if you saw that there's going to be a storm why can't we go play baseball in the clearing?" Her response was quieter, "Jazz, it's not something we can bring her along for, she cant play baseball with _us_. And besides, it's bad enough we have to act human at school and now at home too, I want to be _me_ again."

What had she meant by act human? What were they? I couldn't go back in and face them after hearing that so I left out the side door of the garage. I needed to go somewhere far away. I wanted to see my parents; I wanted my horse back. I wanted the clock to go backwards a few months, before anything bad was happening.

I hadn't noticed when I entered the woods, but I soon found myself on the almost familiar path to the meadow. Resurfaced memories be damned, I was going to have to go to the meadow no matter how much it reminded me of old times with my horse.

The sound of a running animal met my ears at the edge of the meadow. Small delicate hooves dug into the ground as the terrified deer raced past. A large blurred shape stalked it in the shadows, almost as though detecting another smell; the blur ran my way. I got knocked over, held up by arms like steel traps. Teeth grazed my neck. I terrified squeak escaped my lips as the teeth pressed down.

The head that glanced up at my face was Emmett's. A shocked gasp that I recognized as my own was heard in the quiet. My shallow, panicked breaths were now the only things breaking the silence.

Emmett roughly pushed my up against a tree, trapping me even farther. He touched his lips to my own; his eyes wild and crazed. I feebly tried to shove him off of me, but my efforts were to no avail.

His hands wandered down the plains of my stomach, resting on my hips. Nibble fingers unzipped my jeans. While his mouth was on my own his hands wandered underneath my underwear. As he slid a finger inside of me I cried out and tried to push him off again.

My terror was almost tangible as he slid down his own shorts. My high pitched shriek echoed throughout the woods; the only response was Emmett's low growl. His hips pressed against my own and his hands gently squeezed my breasts.

My head swan as he started to enter me. Black, sinister eyes met my wide icy blue ones. As I stared into his eyes I thought about how much I wanted him to die, to never finish what he was doing.

Almost immediately he Emmett crumpled to the ground in agony. I darted away while he was still on the ground.

Running blindly through the trees I shrieked to anybody who could hear me, "Help! Somebody please help me!" I half sobbed into the woods.

Tears were running down my face by the time that I ran headlong into a rock hard body. Glancing up through my tears I could see Jasper's face. I desperately clung to his sculpted frame, sputtering gibberish about what had just happened.

"Noelle; its okay," He murmured, "He can't get you now Noelle." Slowly I began to calm with his words, my thoughts becoming slightly more coherent with every passing second. I shuddered when I remembered his cold hands resting on my hips, wandering farther down.

Alice appeared next to Jasper as it started drizzling. I shivered again, this time from being cold. Wrapping a thick blanket around me she whispered something to Jasper, to quiet for me to hear.

He nodded in agreement to whatever she had said and scooped me up unto his arms. Jasper carried me back to the house; I was still shivering and he carried me effortlessly.

Once inside, he gently put me on the couch.

"Carlisle." Jasper called to him. When he appeared, he let out a slight gasp at my drenched, disarrayed, shivering body. Kneeling beside me, he pressed his fingers to my neck, checking my pulse, then shone a small flashlight into my eyes.

From his worried frown, I could tell he didn't like what he saw. Turning to Alice and Jasper he exchanged whispered words. All I heard was, "Might be in shock." And something about Alice "Seeing something."

Before I could wonder about what I had heard, I felt a wave of lethargy come over me. Clenching my blanket tighter, I fell into a restless sleep.

_Emmett was trapping me again. I felt his hands claiming my body. His mouth was hard on my own. I squirmed, trying to break free. But Emmett only held me tighter, his stone fingers digging into my soft flesh. He crumpled to the ground, moaning, just as before. I ran, darting blindly through the trees._

_The next thing I knew, I was airborne. Seeing rough gray waters below me I panicked. I had never been a good swimmer. _

_As I hit the water I was immersed in another dream. My mom and me were going for a ride through the fields by my old house. Her horse reared, tossing her off. She tumbled down the hill and the horse watched in satisfaction._

"_Mom!" I screamed. Dismounting I ran after her. "Mom!" I screamed again, hoping for a response. As I watched my Mothers' body blurred and became Edwards' body just after the medics had pulled him out. _

_I leaned backwards with a sob, falling through thin air that hadn't been there before._

I awoke with a start, realizing with relief that I wasn't dreaming anymore. Carlisle was sitting on the other end of the couch, jotting down notes in a binder. I was happy they didn't move me while I had been asleep. Nobody liked to wake up in a different place than where they fell asleep; it's disorienting.

"Are you feeling any better?" a voice to my left said. I turned my head and saw Edward had walked in. I cringed away from him, leaning towards where Carlisle was sitting. I could guarantee that Carlisle and Jasper wouldn't do anything to me, but I wasn't sure about Edward. It was better to be safe than sorry.

Carlisle looked as though he was deep in thought and Edward gave a small nod in his direction. Creepy, it almost made it seem like Edward was a mind reader.

Edward sighed softly and walked out of the room. Just as he left, Alice bounded in and bounced over to me. She was way too hyper for such a small girl!

I glanced at her wearily; almost hoping she would calm down a bit. Nope, she was still bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Noelle, come on get up." She told me in a high pitched squeak. I covered my ears and sat up a bit.

"You gotta get up all the way Noelle!" She complained. Sighing, I slung my legs over the side of the couch, wincing when my scars throbbed dully. As soon as I pushed my self to my feet Alice grabbed my elbow and towed me to the kitchen. Grabbing a couple granola bars she continued to tow me towards the front door.

She started to walk faster once we were outside. She gently pushed me towards a giant Off - Roading jeep. She was already in her side by the time I managed to get into the truck. Jasper grinned at me from behind the wheel and I managed a small smile back.

He set off driving into the woods once I was buckled in. We emerged in the meadow after a few minutes, what used to be a wooden skeleton and a few hay bales had turned into a gorgeous stable and pasture.


	2. Chapter 2

Heartbreak tore at me as I tried to suppress memories of the past. Jasper's strange calming influence dulled the pain, but not much.

Alice was on the ground and halfway to the stable before I fully realized we had stopped moving. Tearing the giant Off Roading harness off, I jumped from the cab, not even noticing the dull ache of the scars on my stomach.

Running to catch up, I heard a horse whickering from inside the new building. My throat constricted and my breathing was labored as I recognized the sound as my old horse. Sprinting into the stable, I rushed strait to my spotted gelding.

"Hey," I murmured to him, "I bet you missed me, didn't you Zacky?" He nuzzled my face in greeting, but reared up when Alice approached me. His eyes rolled, and I made a grab for his massive head.

Dragging his head down to my level, I leaned on him, calming him. Sliding his stall door open, I slipped inside so I could hold him down easier.

Alice looked warily at the massive beast before deciding to approach a couple steps more to stand just outside the stall.

Zacky reared again pulling me with him. My toes were barely grazed the ground as he stumbled and fell over. In my momentary shock I gripped his head tighter, then tried to push him away just before we hit the ground.

My horses' heavy head slammed into my stomach and his body fell across my legs. His scrambling hooves scraped at my shins as he desperately tried to stand.

A wet trickle signaled blood dripping down me. Lying gasping in the hay, I wanted the horse to get up, to get off of me.

Alice darted into the stall and hauled the horse up, just to drag him out off the stall. She did it in less than 10 seconds, her body a blur, moving with inhuman speed and grace.

Jasper stood against the far wall. His eyes pitch black and his face gaunt. His fingers gripped the wall, digging in as if to hold himself there.

With the panicking horse thrust outside into the corral, Alice raced back in and jerked Jasper outside.

My eyes squeezed shut and pained sounds came from my throat on their own accord.

A cold hand rested on my wrist, another on my forehead. My eyes still squeezed shut, and my breathing labored.

"Carlisle," a familiar voice said, "She's going to be fully conscious soon." The hay beneath me poked my back as I writhed in pain. A groan was upon my lips with the slight movement.

A shiver rolled down my spine, making me shudder and moan. Carlisle's cold hands moved expertly along my body, checking for broken bones and who knows what else.

I winced as he put a slight pressure on my ribs, my breath pausing with the pain until I was dizzy and needed to breathe. The sharp pain in my ribs continued as Carlisle gently shifted my around, wrapping gauze around my blood soaked stomach.

My heavy lids slowly fluttered open to reveal Jasper sitting with his head in his hands and Alice hugging him, whispering in his ear. Carlisle's granite arms gently lifted me off the hay and carried my fluidly outside the stables. A large pick-up truck was parked next to the jeep.

He placed me on the open tailgate, and reached over me to grab a black bag. Pulling out a small needle and syringe, he filled it with clear liquid from a small bottle.

"Noelle, this is going to stop the pain okay? Just blink twice if you understand what I'm saying, don't try to move or talk, alright?" I blinked a couple times and a second later I felt a prick in my arm.

My breathing slowed and my eyelids dropped as I fell into a dark abyss.

"Can't she stay here while she's recovering?" a voice I recognized as Carlisles' brought me back to reality. A strange voice answered him.

"No. She knows our true identity. You know the rules Carlisle. She must come with us." Who's 'us'? What rules and whose true identity is he talking about?

My breathing turned slightly panicked. I couldn't leave. The Cullens were now my only family; I can't just leave them!

A calm sensation flowed over me, trying to penetrate my mood, trying to calm me. I felt it trickle over me like water over a stone; like leaves drifting in the wind, Jaspers' influence seemed to drift away. A dull pain in my ribs sharpened with every passing second and with every panicked breath.

I forced myself to calm when the pain was almost unbearable. I regained focus just as Alice started talking.

"I don't think she knows, I see her acting like she always has around us, except she has more trouble with her scars because of the new one." I've heard people talking about Alice seeing things before, but what did it mean? Was she psychic or something?

"We will leave her with you for now, but we will be checking up on her and on you." The strangers' voice seemed too loud in the quiet room.

My ribs protested as I took a large breath. I whimpered in pain and was immediately comforted by an ice-cold hand on my ribs. I took smaller breaths and opened my eyes a crack. The room spun momentarily. My eyes opened fully when the room settled. I blinked rapidly with the sudden brightness, waiting for my eyes to focus.

When they did I could see Esme standing next to Carlisle above me. Alice was on sitting in a desk chair a few feet away.

Wait… was I in my room? Weird, I am in my bedroom. My head pounded and my ribs ached. My shins dully ached from where the horses' hooves had scraped and flailed.

Alice stood up and gave me a weak smile before leaving. I didn't even try to return one. I was too tired and too sore. Carlisle murmured into Esme's ear, and she nodded at him before silently stepping out of the room.

I coughed and winced when the pain in my ribs flared. Carlisle pushed a button on a small remote, and my bed started to lift into a slight sitting position. He then handed me a small plastic cup of water with a bendy straw.

Sipping the water, I winced slightly when I swallowed. My throat felt so raw.

"What happened?" I asked Carlisle. My voice rough. I already knew what had happened, but I wanted to be sure.

"When you were at the stables the horse reared, and while he was unbalanced he fell on top of you. Alice and Jasper called me, so I came and got you. From the fall you have a bruised rib with a gash above it, scrapes on your legs, and a slight concussion."

Wow. The horse really hurt me.

"Stupid horse." I mumbled, "Stupid horse was scared of Alice and just had to fall on me. I don't even know why I ever liked that horse." I ranted into the air. I sigh slightly cringing with pain.

"It wasn't the horses' fault, he was acting on instinct." Carlisle told me. Acting on what instinct? Having reached no conclusion I asked, "What instinct?"

"Noelle, you know there's something different about us don't you?" I nodded. I had known something weird was going on with them the day I moved in.

"Yeah. It's pretty obvious that you guys are different. I don't know what you are though, and I'm not sure I want to know."

His face clouded, "Not everyone reacts well to what we are, and we have rules we have to follow, we can't let anybody find out."

I nodded again and rested my head against the raised bed behind me. Why does he sound like he's going to say that they are mythical creatures? I can understand why somebody wouldn't react well to that.

Carlisle continued, "The Volturi are a type of police for us; they think you know what we are, and the penalty for that is either die or turn."

I gave him a slightly disbelieving glance. His face told the story; he really believed what he was saying. The whole family was insane… or maybe he was telling the truth?

"Noelle…" He hesitated, "We're vampires." He finished softly. I blinked. I blinked again.

"Ok… and what? Are you expecting me to run away, screaming and yelling? It doesn't seem like I can or like I'm thinking about it."

His golden gaze rested on my ribs and the thick gauze around them; "No it doesn't look like you're going to run away. But practically anybody would be freaking out right now."

"I've had a lot of surprises in my life, I've seem a lot of bad things too. I may seem like a fragile teenage girl with issues, but I know how to handle myself and I know that you can't be any worse than what I've already seen. To me it seems like wars go on in my head every second of every day, the only peace I've gotten from them came from this family. I know you aren't as bad as you think you are."


	3. Chapter 3

Carlisle was speechless. He had looked sympathetic at the part about wars in my head. Who knows, maybe he knew what it's like to have a mental war against yourself. Always losing battles, losing ground against insanity.

I felt a tickle in my throat. A hacking cough raked through my body, making me double over, making me gasp in pain.

A new burst of pain filled me, causing me to jerk back into a strait position. My eyes rolled back into my head until I saw only black.

"Edward! She's crashing!" Carlisle yelled. Distantly I could hear them talking, maybe they were yelling, I couldn't tell.

A sharp pain lasted for just a second against my chest. The shock happened time after time.

My heart beat erratically. Frequently missing beats and sputtering. Pain seemed to rip through my whole body, but that was nothing compared to the fire.

When the fire entered my veins I writhed even more, jerking with the movement of the fire in my veins.

All my senses were cut off. I kept thinking, why isn't anybody stopping this? Knowing I must be screaming and writhing, but feeling nothing was terrifying. I was used to feeling something. Even when I was emotionally numb, I still felt something. Now there was only liquid fire in me. I couldn't feel, couldn't think, couldn't hear.

I needed this to be over. It was worse than all the pain ever inflicted on me times one hundred.

I barely even noticed when I could feel my fingertips. The burning sensation eased away from my toes, eased out of my hands, and eventually ceased to exist in me. My heart made a few half-hearted beats before quitting entirely. Surprise rose in me when I realized I wasn't dead. What had happened?

Eyelids seemed to flutter open without me making the decision to open my eyes. My body bounced into an upright crouched position before I told the muscles to move. Seeing only Jasper in the room, my crouch turned into a slightly curved stand.

Crescent shaped scars stood out on his face and arms, some even roughly defined through his shirt.

I took half a step forward, as if to go ask what had happened, and he tensed. He slipped easily into a crouch, slightly baring sharp white teeth.

Taking a step back, I held my hands out as if to say 'I'm not going to hurt you'. Sensing my bewilderment he stood again and approached me.

"Come on Noelle, we have to explain some stuff to you." I could've sworn he whispered, but it seemed as though he shouted in my ear. I followed him out the door, surprised with how quick I moved, marveling at the new sharper colors in my vision, and trying not to panic.

Sounds from the road, which I could've sworn was a mile away, were loud in my ears as though it was just outside.

When we found ourselves in the living room, the rest of the family was there. I took a step back, so I was just outside the doorway.

"Noelle, come on in. We won't hurt you." Alice's voice chirped from inside. Could I believe them?

Hesitantly I took a step inside the doorway. All of my senses on high alert, my muscles tensed.

Jasper's influence calmed my strung out nerves. Relaxing slightly, my stance loosened up a bit.

"Do you remember what I told you before the fire?" Carlisle asked. I nodded, not wanting to say what I knew I now was. A vampire. He nodded his approval of my memory skills and inclined his head towards Edward. If I had still been human, I might have missed it.

"No I can't hear her." Edward stated it as a fact, and shared a look with Carlisle. Curiosity bloomed in me. Edwards's eyes shifted towards Jasper and back to me.

"I can read minds." My mouth popped open in surprise. How could he read minds? How could something like that be possible? Alice's voice stopped my train of thought.

"And I can see the future, and jasper can feel and manipulate emotions." I was dumbfounded. I knew jasper could mess with emotions, but Alice seeing the future? That was ever weirder than reading minds.

"Alice, you're scaring her a bit." Jasper's soft voice was right next to Alice's ear, but still sounded loud.

"I heard that." I scolded him. The family's laughter filled the room. I hadn't noticed before, but Emmett and Rosalie were nowhere to be seen or heard. I briefly wondered where they were, then pushed the thought out of my head.

My attention shifted to the burn in my throat. It kept getting worse with each second, my senses spread farther and got sharper.

A slight heartbeat and delicious aroma alerted me to something's presence. I couldn't tell what it was, but I wanted it, _needed it. _

Without realizing it, I sprinted towards where I smelled the aroma. Jasper slammed into me, crashing me to the ground. Snarls erupted from both of us. His skilled hands kept me down while my strong arms tried to shove him off of me.

_Get off, I don't want you here,_ I thought; he crumpled to the ground next to me in pain.

I was up and on my feet running before anyone else could react. Alice appeared in front of me and I shot past her, only to have her appear in front of me again.

Any move I made, she countered before I could make the move. I ran strait at her, hoping she would move before I plowed right into her.

I jumped at the last second and evaded her grip in mid-air. Upon landing, I was tackled again.

Lying on my stomach against the floor having my arms twisted behind my back by one person and my legs held down by another.

After trying to futilely fight for a few seconds, my movements became slower, my breathing slower. I rested my forehead on the floor, and closed my eyes in defeat. The grip on my arms eased, but the weight on my legs didn't budge.

"Noelle, can we let you up now or are you going to attack again?" Jasper's voice rang out from above me.

"You can let me up." I whispered into the floor. The pressure on my arms disappeared, and the weight on my legs followed suit.

I rolled onto my back and pushed myself into a sitting position. I looked up, the Cullens were all around me, and even Esme was there. My gaze dropped back to the floor.

Memories of other attacks flooded my mind. Emmett trying to rape me, Jasper attacking me after promising not to hurt me, Rosalie stealing my sketchpad and the fight in the meadow.

My emotions calmed, turning from anger and sorrow to calmness with a hint of sympathy.

My head shot up; "I don't need your sympathy." I hissed sharply at Jasper, my eyes burning with an unknown emotion.

My eyes shut on their own accord and when they opened, I was on the bed in my room.

Falling into the black comfort of sleep, I barely noticed Carlisle rush in and desperately telling me to wake up.

In my dream, a horse whinnied as I rushed towards brand new stables. Then I saw myself dragging my horses' head down, trying to calm the beast.

Next the horse slipped, crashing to the ground, dragging me with him, and crushing me beneath his massive head.

Hooves flailed, scraping against my legs. Then Alice raced in and hauled the horse out as though he weighed nothing and came back to drag a suffering, bloodthirsty Jasper out.

Carlisle appeared and lifted me up, taking me outside to set me down on the tailgate of a pickup truck. After he injected me with a needle, I saw nothing. My dream ended with the loss of sight.

Hot flashed across my whole body, causing me to shriek and jump up. Edward stood a few feet away with a wet bucket. I kept shrieking as the hot liquid dripped down my.

Fighting to get it off, I noticed my skin going red, as if I was burning. My eyes widened, my breathing stopped and I fell backwards, landing on the edge of the bed.

Something cool was being rubbed into my skin; gauze wrapping then held the cool on me.

I winced when whoever was spreading coolness onto my back pressed to hard. My eyes slowly opened and I found myself laying face first on my bed wearing no shirt and having a complete stranger wrapping gauze around my stomach and shoulders.

I gave a panicked glance over my shoulder and saw my moms' face. I blinked and it was still there.

"You're dead. You died months ago." I stammered not believing that my mom was really there.

"I'm a vampire who is able to change my appearance. I thought it might be a bit less creepy to have somebody you recognize doing this than a complete stranger."

My mom answered me, but in a deep guys voice. I gave a small gasp of surprise and jumped up yanking a blanket up with me to cover my chest. I backed up against the far wall, ignoring the pain in my midsection.

"It is _not_ less creepy. It's absolutely terrifying because I know my mom died months ago in a car crash when I was still human. And now I see her bandaging me up and I'm not even human anymore but I still know she is dead. I remember everything about my old life, and this is scaring me because I know that mom doesn't exist anymore!" I was absolutely hysterical.

"You are still human." The stranger said softly. My moms' face turned into a teenage guy, soft and vulnerable, worried about me.

"No I'm not. I remember crashing, then feeling like I was burning, and when I woke up I wasn't human anymore. Then I fell asleep and Edward thew boiling water on me, and I passed out, and now I woke up in this situation." I rushed it out in just one breath.

The guy tossed me a baggy shirt. I turned my back to him and put it on. I hate baggy clothes; they are always so shapeless.

"If you haven't noticed, the scars on your stomach are back." He said quietly. My hand rested on my stomach protectively.

"How did you know those were there?" I narrowed my eyes at him. He just rolled his eyes.

"I was just bandaging your stomach, how could I not notice them?" He said it like it was so obvious. And it was.

"Now, since you're somehow human again, how bout getting back over here so I can finish?" he asked. I would much rather Carlisle treat me than him. I don't like people I didn't know treating me.

I grumbled but went to lie down again. He folded hem of the oversized shirt up a few times, and went back to work.

After a few minutes of silence I asked, "How do you think I became human again?" His thoughtful silence lasted only a few seconds.

"I don't know. You might not have transformed all the way in the first place, or maybe your subconscious wanted you to be human again so much that you became human again."

When he finished with my back, he asked me to roll over. I rolled towards the center of the bed, and my head hung off the edge far enough that my neck was stretched almost painfully and my neck couldn't support my heads weight.

Coughing, I lifted my head and shimmied farther over so that the mattress supported my head.

"You okay Noelle?" the stranger asked. I coughed again. My throat constricted, limiting my breathing.

"Carlisle!" The stranger yelled. Rhythmically, the strangers' hands pushed down on my chest, just above my heart. I kept coughing and sputtering; desperately trying to get more air.

I felt my collar bone crack under the pressure of his hands. A needle pricked my arm and a tube was pushed down my throat. Air was pushed into my lungs, preventing me from passing out.

"Ryan get her stabilized, now!" I guess Ryan was the stranger.

Carlisles cold hands pushed down on my stomach, ribs, throat, and legs. There was no physical problem to find though. I knew there wasn't. There couldn't be.

When I could breathe on my own, my breath came in shallow gasps. My head lolled to the side, resting against my shoulder.

Ryan gently pulled my head back to where it had been. I hadn't realized my eyes had closed, but now were being pulled open by skilled hands.

A light shone in my eyes just long enough for my pupils to dilate. Carlisle's voice told Ryan that he could take the tube out of my throat.

Ryan's hands left my head to urge the tube out. I was too tired to notice what happened after that.

When I woke up, Ryan was walking in with a tray of food. Did I really have to eat?

"Hey, I thought you could use something to eat right about now." he said with a smile. There was a strangely adoring look in his eyes.

"Thanks, what did you bring?" I asked him. His eyes lit up like he got a present. So weird, all I did was ask what he brought.

"Taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a plain bagel." He announced while setting the tray down on the side of my bed.

My eyes watered, and I squeezed them shut. My mom always used to make me those.

"Are you alright Noelle? I didn't hurt you did I?" I wanted to tell him that he did hurt me. That he resurfaced memories I didn't want to deal with.

"No, I'm fine. My mom used to make me those all the time. I just miss her a lot right now."

"Oh, I'm sorry Noelle, is there anyway I can help?" He asked sounding hurt. I shook my head at him.

Ryan sat down on the other side of the bed and moved so he was right next to me and slid an arm under my head so he could cradle me. Gently lifting me he scooped me into his lap, my head buried in his shoulder.

I started sobbing, and the whole story about the crash came out of my mouth. Everything I could remember from the crash. The moment of terror where time seemed to stand still, just before the semi landed on out car; the warped metal stabbing me; and of hearing the EMT's declaring my parents dead on scene, before they had even got me out of the car.

I told him everything my mom used to do with me. How we would ride our horses together, how she taught me how to sketch, everything we had done with each other.

"Noelle, I'm so, so sorry." Ryan whispered in my ear. I pressed my face farther into his neck, enjoying the feeling his cold skin against my face.

My body shook with sobs and he pulled me closer, holding me tightly and gently at the same time.

Why was he trying to comfort me? I was a total stranger to him. I just poured my life story out to a stranger. A stranger who could look like my mom whenever he chose to.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I imagined I was at my old house. Upon opening my eyes, I was startled to see that I actually _was_ in the house I grew up in.

Ryan glanced around, a panicked look on his face. I disentangled myself from his arms and stood up. Laughing in disbelief, I started towards the stairs.

My old room was just as I remembered it. The pale blue curtains hung in front of my windows. Streaks of sun caught in the small glass pieces on my dream-catcher, scattering bright dots all around.

I walked to my nightstand and opened the top drawer. A smile settled upon my lips as I saw my sketchpad there. I picked it up and flipped through, noticing how all of the more recent drawings seemed more skilled, better crafted.

"Noelle?" Ryan's questioning voice asked from the door. "How did we get here?" I giggled and rushed over to him, enveloping him in a hug.

"I'm home again!" I giggled childishly. "I got myself home!" Tears of joy streamed down my face as I looked around at my surroundings.

Ryan stayed just outside the door, in the shadows as I rushed back into my room. The shadows falling across his face made him look older, worn, and fragile.

I walked back over to him and tugged at his hand, trying to pull him into my room. He followed me reluctantly.

Glitter lit up his skin as he stepped into he sun. I gasped in amazement and trailed my fingers down his forearm.

Ryan's eyes darkened and a slight growl of pleasure erupted from him. His arms wrapped around me, one settling on the small of my back, the other tentatively wandering underneath my shirt.

His lips pressed to mine, our breathing becoming labored. We fell onto my bed, him underneath me. His hands moved to pull off my shirt, my arms automatically lifting off his own shirt. I pushed the sneakers off my feet and let him undo my jeans.

We turned so he was now on top. His cold fingers trailed over my scarred stomach, resting on my hips and then traveling back up to undo my bra clasp.

I gasped as he sucked on one nipple. Letting my back arch, I pulled him closer to me. I needed him in me, right now.

My breathing became even shallower as he started to enter me. My head spun and moans came from my mouth.

He pressed down hard against me, breaking my barrier. The pain was so insignificant if I got this much pleasure.

I whimpered into his chest. Memories of Emmett trying to rape me filled my mind. I pushed against Ryan, thinking he was Emmett.

"Get off of me!" I shrieked. I sobbed as I tried to push him off. What was he trying to do to me?

When my eyes cleared of tears, I saw Ryan standing just outside the doorway again.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered. "I thought you were Emmett for a moment… I freaked out." I told him. I found my clothes and yanked them on before walking over to him.

Leaning my head against his chest I said, "I'm sorry. I'm broken. Scarred because of Emmett, scarred from the accident. I'm not repairable. I wish I was but I'm not."

My voice broke and I leaned against him for support as sobs shook my body. I pictured the horse meadow, and we were there in a flash.

"I have to go, I can't stay here." I stammered. Rushing into the stable a grabbed a saddle and bridle and quickly got Zacky ready to ride.

Grabbing a pre-packed emergency bag with supplies, I mounted up and raced through the woods.

Zacky leapt over a log and landing with a jarring blow to my scars. Gasping, I keeled over and gripped his neck so I wouldn't fall off.

Ryan appeared in front of us, and Zacky reared, his hooves flailing. Oh no, I couldn't let Zacky squish me again.

"Stay away from him! A vampire approaching my horse is how I got hurt on the first place!" Defiance shone in his eyes.

"You're in no condition to ride Noelle!" He retorted, then added, "Please come back home? You're not broken Noelle, not yet you aren't. If you come home with me we can fix things between us!"

I didn't want to go home, that's the reason I ran away. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted my mom back, I wanted my dad, and I wanted my old life back. I wanted to believe that vampires were still myths, things out of legends and stories, not creatures that walk among us.

Digging my heels into Zackys' side, I urged him into a flat out sprint in the other direction.

Zacky stumbled and I got vaulted from his back. Landing in a thorn bush, I tried to pry myself free, but only succeeded in tangling myself further.

Thorns pricked at my throat, my stomach, anywhere they could get to. I kept my breathing shallow so the pointy barbs wouldn't dig into my skin

"Help…" I feebly cried. Where was my stupid horse? He should be hauling my ass out of this mess!

The large russet wolf that had kept trying to attack me swaggered through the woods. I shrieked and imagined myself anywhere but here.

When my eyes opened I was back in my old house. The thorns were gone and I was sitting on my living room floor.

I hauled myself up the stairs and into the shower. Turning the water on really hot I stepped in, my teeth chattering.

The hot water cascading down my shivering frame was the only reason I didn't pass out then and there.

When the water started to cool, I switched off the faucets and wrapped a town around me before stepping into the steamy bathroom.

Ryan and Jasper stood side by side by the door. I shrieked and backed up against the far wall. They just watched me, eyes wary. My own eyes flickered from face to face as my heart raced.

"How… di-did you… get here?" I managed to say. I imagined myself in my bedroom, fully dressed; and the next second, I was there.

I quickly grabbed a few necessities, and imagined myself at the castle in Italy I saw in one of the paintings in Carlisles office.

A looming limestone castle stood before me. I saw a small window on the highest turret and imagined myself there.

Sitting precariously on the edge of the small windowsill, I knocked on the window.

A small girl with the same features as the Cullens opened the window. She looked no older than ten or twelve.

"How did you get up here?" she asked. My stammered answer only brought confusion to her face. Gently the girl helped me inside; her eyes were not a warm gold, but a dark sinister red.

"Aro, we have a visitor." Her voice rang clearly through the stone walls. Telling me that her name was Jane, she pulled me along to an older looking man, with seemingly paper thin skin.

"Ah, we meet again Noelle." My brow scrunched in confusion as I studied his face.

"No we aren't." a simple fact; I had never seen him before in my life. The man, I assumed he was Aro, chuckled darkly.

"It was me who had you captive after the run-in with Rosalie in the meadow, and me who didn't trust you to not expose what we truly are." Oh, I remember him now. I had never seen his face, but I had heard his voice a few times.

"At the time I didn't know what you were. Not long after that, I got changed. And somehow I'm human again." He was so stupid. Why would anybody expose them knowing the consequences?

"You were changed? Do you know if you have a power?" I didn't like the greedy tone in his voice.

"Umm… no? I don't think I do." I've gotten good at lying convincingly, when you live in a house full of vampires, it's something you learn.

Aro frowned slightly. Unexpectedly he offered me his hand. Hesitantly I put my own fingers in his.

His face quickly turned to immense anger and his fist closed around my hand. I screamed, and my face crumpled in pain. I wished I were at Carlisles office in the hospital. He would make Aro stop and would even help me.

The scenery changed, becoming white walls lined with bookshelves and a fairly large desk. Carlisle glanced up and when he saw Aro and me he jumped up and appeared at our sides.

"Aro…Aro let go of her." Carlisle desperately urged. Aro seemed to notice his surroundings for the first time. Glancing wide-eyed around the room, he seemed astonished.

His grip on my hand lessened and I yanked it away. I stood behind Carlisle, not wanting Aro anywhere near me.

"Why can't I hear her? Why can't I hear her Carlisle!" Aro whispered, fear penetrating his voice.

"Edward has never been able to hear her either." Carlisle stated calmly. I looked Aro in the eye and thought about sending him back to the castle Volterra, Italy.

Aro disappeared as quickly as we had appeared. Carlisle then turned to me and asked for my hand.

As he probed the bones, I felt no pain. I glanced down at my hand; nothing seemed malformed.

My brow knit in confusion, as did Carlisle's. He kept poking and prodding my hand.

"How did it heal so fast? I know I felt the bones get smashed, I heard several small bones snap." Carlisles face turned speculative.

"Maybe you are still part vampire so you would heal as fast as we do if you get hurt." His voice was thoughtful, yet somehow doubtful.

Maybe. I either wanted to be all human or all vampire though. I didn't want to be stuck in some half form that nobody knows anything about.

I sigh, why did life have to be so difficult? Maybe Carlisle would know what Jasper and Ryan were doing in my bathroom!

"Carlisle?" I asked, "Do you happen to know why Ryan and Jasper were in my bathroom… in my old house… while I was taking a shower?" he looked astounded.

"I asked them to find you and make sure you were alright. I don't know why they were in your bathroom though. How did you get to your old house?"

"I don't know… I was thinking about being there and when I blinked, I was there. With Ryan, but that was the first time it had happened. Not the one time when they were in my bathroom." I sigh again. I was confusing myself.

"Well, I guess you do have a gift after all. In my opinion it's teleportation. But with you still human, I'm surprised it hasn't taken a toll on you." He looked at my small body, seemingly impressed.

Why did I have to have a gift? All I wanted was to be normal! I blinked and thought myself into Ryans' arms.

When my eyes opened, I was in the Cullens house, lying next to Ryan on my bed. His eyes flew open, shock was written all over his face.

"I didn't think you would come back. Not after what happened. You know wit-" I cut him off with a kiss.

Ryan responded immediately. His lips molding themselves to mine, his arms wrapping around me, I broke the kiss and rested my head on his shoulder.

Catching my breath, I relaxed against him. I never wanted him to let go of me. His chilly embrace was perfect.

"Of course I would come back. I need you." I admitted shamefully. His face looked down upon mine and filled with understanding.

"Not to ruin the moment, but I have a question…" I trailed off, wondering if I should really ask.

I continued, "Is this what you really look like, or are you just trying to look super hot so I like you?" Ryan chuckled, and I noticed that he has dimples.

"This is what I really look like. I could look anyway you want me to though." It was now my turn to laugh.

"No, only change if you want to; I like you however you are. A long as your not my mom."

Jasper suddenly burst into the room. His eyes frantic, full of worry and indecision, Alice followed just behind him. Her own face a mask of his.

"Noelle! We have to run! Now!" I was startled. Jasper didn't respond to my surprise, but rather scooped me up and darted out of the room.

Clinging to Jasper's neck, I buried my face into his chest as he ran. I really didn't want to find out if I get motion sickness or not.

Just as I started to lift my head up, Jasper stopped suddenly, causing my head to crash back into his stone chest.

Yellow splotches filled my vision, the only color in the black night. Dizziness overtook me and I slipped into the black comfort of sleep.

"Noelle." My name was repeated over and over. It echoed around me, making my head pound. Another voice started saying my name, more urgently.

"Noelle, wake up. Please Noelle, you have to wake up." Ryan's voice pleaded with me.

I felt my eyelids flutter, but they didn't open. I forced my heavy lids open, and came face to face with dizziness.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I whimpered. A cold hand rested on my forehead; another wrapped around my waist, lifting me up.

Opening my eyes briefly, I saw that I was being cradled against Ryan's chest. My eyes shut on their own accord before I could get dizzy again.


End file.
